It’s been foreeever since I have posted an entry so I thought I’d dust off the old cobwebs off this blog. I’ve been MIA just with everyday life stuff- raising two babies, making my house a home [with some DIY projects], kicking up my workouts and also prepping to launch my business later this year. #GIRLBOSS. Since I’ve been investing my creative energy in my business, I haven’t been as inspired to post on here, but it’s important to me that I keep THE MOM JUNGLE [my little family newsletter] alive.
We had a wonderful fall and winter as a family from Halloween celebrations to tackling house projects and even me successfully hosted Christmas Eve for the first time… I officially feel like a grown up now!
I’ve also encountered some difficult moments too. Back in December, I experienced a health scare. Without going into too much detail, I had some unpleasant symptoms that could either be harmless and benign or rarely could be an indicator of something more serious. To air on the side of caution I wisely decided to get it checked out. At a routine test, a technologist operated above her pay-grade and proceeded to point out “abnormalities” which led to a laundry list of possible causes, none of which were good. When I got the initial feedback, I was anxious as my mind raced to worst-case scenarios. My outlook was bleak and my holidays were tarnished as I was battling discouragement. Sadly my hope was not in God, but rather entwined in possible labels.
My daily SHE READS TRUTH devotional so poignantly articulated the condition of my heart:
Jesus is the light of the world, but when our hope is in anything or anyone other than Him, the world can go grow terribly dark in a hurry. I tend to believe Jesus is near and present when I can clearly see His hand at work in my life. But when I cannot see Jesus at work in my life, He seems absent, distant and busy... (READ MORE)
Thankfully the story doesn’t end there. At a follow-up appointment, I had my husband come along for support as I braced myself for negative and/or inconclusive news. Here’s the clincher- the radiologist, my doctor and nurse practitioner informed me that there was NOTHING wrong. I am healthy and in the clear! Although I am unimpressed with the technologist’s remarks, I am almost too relieved to be annoyed! I'm still a little jittery and on-edge after these whirlwind few weeks so I continually pray for peace as I thank God for a good report.
I gleaned a couple things from this experience. Firstly, I am reminded again of how blessed I am to have the BEST family [and close friends] a girl could ask for. While these tests were taking place, I stayed with my parents as they helped with the boys. Thankfully my sons were so good at Grandpa and Nana's house and adapted well. My in-laws aka “in-loves” were equally supportive and visited over the weekend to give my husband a much-needed break and distraction.
Secondly, I recognize once again how much I need Jesus. The stress and fear I felt was debilitating. For the first time in my life, I experienced a panic attack. I felt so lost and out of control. In retrospect, I realize before this fiasco took place, I was overwhelmed with unchecked stress. There had recently been a difficult conversation, three people passed away that week before their time [they weren't in my immediate sphere, but my heart broke for their loved ones especially being so close to the holidays] and furthermore just the stress of Christmas hosting duties looming were getting to me. Compounding to this, I wasn’t eating much and my sleep was irractic too. Add health issues to the mix and it was kind of the perfect storm. Seeing myself become unglued was unnerving and troubling.
Thankfully with God’s help, He picks up the broken fragments of our lives and pieces us back together. A beautiful metaphor of this is the Japanese pottery method referred to as Kintsugi.
This is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. –WIKIPEDIA
I like to think of God as the master potter and we are the clay as He crafts and shapes us to further reflect his image. He doesn’t airbrush away our shortcomings, yet He loves us too much to gloss over them. These broken pieces form a one-of-a-kind mosaic, a testimony to God's faithfulness in our lives as He restores us.
With my 31st birthday soon approaching, I had quietly prayed a few months ago that I would emulate the PROVERBS 31 woman. The standout verse for me is “she laughs without fear of the future.” For this worry-prone, Type-A stress head, that’s a challenge, but I believe we can overcome fear in Jesus’ name.
So what now? Well in the aftermath of this, I want to take some time to regroup body, soul, and mind. I want to enjoy my babies, laugh with my husband, launch my business and get in great physical shape! Here’s to a healthy and happy 2017!